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Hi there,

 My name is Grace and for those of you who forgot, I have a blog. (I think I forgot for a while as well...)

Well it's been since October since I last wrote. It's a new year and - as cliché as this sounds - a new me.

So much has happened in my life that it would take ten posts and then some to fill you in on everything. So we'll just stick to the major stuff. And if you get bored, I give you my full permission to abandon ship; but if you can just bear with me, I have a lot of wisdom to impart to you and I hope you won't be disappointed.

I finished my freshman year of college last month! It was an amazing experience that I won't soon forget. I found the most wonderful friends/future roommates I could have ever hoped for. Karena, Dani, Chrissy, and Ashlynn. I love these girls to the moon and back. We're mostly goofy with a little sprinkle of crazy in there. I'll never forget the 2 a.m. doughnut runs, or the 3 a.m. Mexican food runs (never on the same night of course). The sunsets, and the sunrises we shared. The random (slightly irresponsible) beach trips. The laughs we're my favorite part though, these people knew exactly where my funny bone was and precisely how to make me lose my cool.

But freshman year was more than finding a group of friends and doing well in my classes (which I did), it was about finding - again, excuse the cliché - myself.

I think as I entered my freshman year I knew that life was just beginning and that God had something big and wonderful planned for me. Ending Freshman year, I'm one step closer to finding out what that plan is.

Okay, here's how I got a little closer to discovering the plan: I warn you right now that the past month or so has been a real trial for me, and if you only signed up to read the story of a happy 18 year-old with absolutely no cares in the world, now is a good time to jump ship, because the waters are a little rough from here on out.

So, you know that guy Zach I've written about in the past, told you guys how much I loved him, and how excited I was to be so close to him in Camp Pendleton. Yeah. He dumped me. About a month a go.

Before you start to think this is some awful break-up post, it's not. Is my heart broken? Of course, we were together for three years and I thought I was going to marry him. Am I asking you to join my pity party? No. I'm perfectly capable, and am much too liberal with my own self- pity to accept yours, so save it. I don't need it.

I'm going to spare you the gory details of how it happened and his reason for calling it quits (which isn't important because there's no changing what happened) and get straight to the part where I impart my wisdom.

What I learned by being dumped, and what I hope you can learn from my experience. A short memoir by Grace Hansen.

1. I am a strong independent woman who don't need no man.

Seriously though, I am more than just somebody's girlfriend, somebody's other half. I think going through this has made me appreciate that I am the person I am, not because of who I'm with, but because that's how God made me. People are just people. Whether soul mates exist or not, I don't know, but I do know that God made you as an individual, and if you find that special someone, you still remain an individual, with thoughts and feelings and emotions of your own. It's a blessing to get to share yourself with someone else, but you don't become someone else!

2. Don't believe everything you hear.

It's sad when children lose their innocence. But it means they're growing up. I think this has made me grow up. I'd like to think I'm no longer naïve about my relationships. I now know that promises are made to be broken and that forever is shorter than I expected; it's sad but true. I still believe in love because I see it in my mom's eyes when she talks about my dad, I see it in the way old couples hold hands during church. But do I still believe that when someone tells you they love you they mean it? No. They have to prove it with their actions as well.

3. People disappoint, even if they mean well at first.

I believe Zach really did love me for a long time. And I don't regret our relationship even with all the pain it's causing me now. But now I know that even people with the best intentions can hurt you. People change. Life changes. Especially when we're so young. The only thing I regret, the only thing I wish I could have been better at, is guarding my heart. If you take one thing away from this post I pray it is this.  "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23. If I would have been better at guarding my heart and being aware that people change, maybe I could have saved myself some trouble.


I think I'll leave it at those three for tonight. I've learned so much more than that freshman year but I don't know if you guys could handle all the wisdom I have for you in one post. ;) I hope I didn't disappoint.

And If Zach were to read this (which he probably won't) I'd want him to know that I still care about him even if it doesn't seem like he cares about me anymore. I still pray for his safety and well-being every night. And I pray that he finds what he's looking for, even if it's not me.

Through this heart ache, God has taught me what it means to really love my enemy; not that I'm saying Zach is my enemy! But the concept is there. Most girls would have been more than slightly pissed off if they thought a man was going to propose one month and then the next he ends up breaking it off. I'm thankful that I can say I haven't been tempted to burn any of his things or rip up any pictures. Yes, I've been confused and more than a little frustrated. I'm not perfect, I still get upset, but I think God has really helped me learn to hold my tongue and control my temper.

Enough of that dreadful topic. Now that it's summer time I'll have more time to write in this poor neglected blog of mine, even if I'm still super busy.

So far this summer I have:
1. Started working at the restaurant again. 6 days a week.
2. Taken a babysitting job 3 days a week which requires me to be up at an unlawful time of day.
3. Become a bridesmaid to one of my best friends. aww!
4. Sprained my ankle trying to play laser tag. trying.
5. Tried to make time to see friends.

And I've still got so much to do this summer! I'm glad to be busy though, it'll keep me happy.
Thanks for staying with me, my beloved readers. I'll try and write more often!

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely." Henry Ford.

-Grace

Blindness

I could talk about me, I could talk about I, I could talk about number one, oh-my-me-my. (I hope you got that reference.) But instead of talking about me and my college experience (which is going pretty good for those of you who are interested) I want to talk about something else. Something that has more meaning that the ho-hum of everyday life.

But I don't actually know what I want to talk about.. talk about a plot twist, huh?

I'm just tired of talking about me and how my life is going, the point of being a journalist is telling other people's story. And there are so many stories to tell.

In the past week or so, God has started to put something on my heart. Over the past week, I have heard the passage in John 9 about three times in three different situations. If that isn't a sign from God, then I don't know what is.

This passage is about the blind man whom Jesus heals. The disciples pass the man and ask Jesus if it was the man's sin or the man's parent's sin that caused him to be born blind. Jesus answered: "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him." John 9:3. I want to just focus on that little bit.

This isn't a sermon, I'm far too under qualified for that, but I do have some thoughts on this passage and how it applies to life and why I've been hearing it everywhere.

First of all, we are all blind. We all have trouble seeing what's around us and seeing the truth.When Jesus heals the blind man by spitting, (yeah, you read that right) spitting into some mud and rubbing it on this man's eyes, he not only cures his physical vision, but he gives him spiritual sight as well.

Now, you may be asking, "What the heck does she mean by 'spiritual sight'? Is that just another Christian-ese word that sounds good but doesn't really mean anything? No, what I mean by that is that the man came to know Jesus as the Messiah after his healing. He gained spiritual truth and knowledge, not just his vision.

 I know I need help with seeing past my own little world everyday, and I think that even though I already know Jesus is the Messiah, He is still opening my eyes to the world around me. He helps me see what I need to work on in my life, as well as what is good and beautiful in my life.

The second thing that I've gotten from this little passage is that Jesus says neither the sin of this man nor the sin of his parents was the reason he was blind. He was blind so that the works of God could be revealed in him. I get a feeling of peace when I read this. It means that yes, I am a sinner, and yes, I have imperfections, but God, who works all things for good, is using me and my imperfections and my blindness, to reveal himself to others.

No, I'm not saying rejoice that you are a sinner, sin is still bad and evil. But God is good and merciful and he has good plans for us.

Biola has been so great for me. I'm so happy I'm here, learning about God and about myself and how to be a good journalist. But sometimes I'm blinded by everything I feel I have to do. I get blind to the fact that where I'm at right now, won't always be where I'm going. And where I  think I need to be in my life: in my walk, with my schoolwork, with my boyfriend, might not always be where God has me. I need to constantly remind myself that His plan is better than any plan I think I have. And I know I'm going to mess up, I'm a part of this fallen world, but this passage reminds me that even though I live with sin, God can still do good works with me.

So somehow I ended up talking about myself anyway (nice going there, Grace) but I hope each of you gathered something from this and hopefully understood what I was trying to say. Maybe leave a comment if you have an idea for a blog post that isn't centered around Grace, I'd much appreciate the feedback:)

"I think we all suffer from acute blindness at times. Life is a constant journey of trying to open your eyes. I'm just beginning my journey, and my eyes aren't fully open yet." Olivia Thirlby

-Grace

These Past Few Months

As I settle down to write this post that has been in the making for a little under two months now, I feel nervous. What do I say to the family and friends who faithfully followed my blog until I moved to college? How do I let them know how much has happened here in just a few short months? Do I tell them that I miss them like crazy, but I'm having such a wonderful experience at the same time?

The answer is simple, I just start typing.

The last time I wrote, I believe it was move in weekend here at my wonderful home of Biola University. A lot has happened since then. I can't give enough details to give you guys a full insight into what my life has been like but I'll try and do my best.

First of all, my classes have been great, stressful, a little boring at times, and always worth it. I'm not sure if I told you my schedule. If I have, then too bad, I'm going to tell you again.

I have Foundations of Journalism with Dr. Longinow Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 11:30 a.m. I love this class. At first, I didn't. At first, I was frustrated. He had us doing weekly blogs, which I am okay with (obviously) but the problem was I didn't know how to log on to the stupid blog. It's through Wordpress, and I'm not bashing on that site in any way, shape, or form, but dang! Could you make it ANY harder to get on to the site! I got logging on figured out around the third week  though, and it's been smooth sailing in that class since. Cross your fingers, we're barely at the midpoint of the semester.

My next class is Communications 100, and its basically public speaking. Mondays and Wednesdays at 4:30p.m. I'm not so in love with this class. The professor is great and the class has a nice rhythm, but, I don't really have a fear of public speaking and the professor really hasn't taught us much in the way of creating a speech, so speech writing feels like a chore and busy work for me. What am I to do? Nothing, it's a required class.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have Foundations of Christian Thought and English. Foundations is awesome! The professor is a star and you can tell he genuinely cares about his students and about what he teaches. I also think he looks like Paul Blart from Mall Cop. And English is... well.. I hate to toot my own horn, but I like to consider myself a fairly decent writer and that class is all about the basics of good academic writing. I definitely feel like I'm above the curve in there. But get this! I know my English Professor! He's from Chico and he went to Calvary Chapel Chico with me when I was a middle-schooler.  I thought that was just crazy! He's a really good professor and I like the way his class is set up. It's more discussion based than lecture based. And we all could use a few less lectures in our lives.

Friday I also have World Civilization 1 with Professor Wamagatta. Yes, Wamagatta. He's from Kenya and he has the best personality on campus! He never fails to make me and my classmates laugh. His explanation for the pyramids? Aliens! (Which I think is valid.) His class on the other hand, is the easiest thing I've ever done. He has you take an online quiz each week, and you are allowed the book. Then he has us take notes in class on the subject we just tested on. It's kind of backwards, but I assume there is a reason. Even if that reason is to make it easy peasy for kids like me.

Enough about classes! I'm sure you want to hear about all the ragers and crazy beach parties I've been to! Well, I'm sorry, but Biola is the 4th worst party school in America, so we don't have those kinds of parties. And I'm perfectly okay with that.

I have been having fun though:) I've been to the beach a couple times, I went down to San Diego to visit Zach once and he's been up here a couple times already. That's really exciting for us, we haven't been able to see each other on a regular basis in about a year. He's actually coming to see me again this weekend!

I recently went on a floor retreat for Sigma Third Long, or as we call it Phoenix. That's our theme, Beauty from Ashes, Isaiah 61:3. It was so amazing to be with 25 other young ladies with a passion for the Lord and a desire to love on one another. We went to one of our R.A.'s friend's house and, I kid you not, it was a mansion, complete with backyard pool house and volleyball court. All 26 of us stayed in the backyard oasis. It was absolutely amazing. We had fellowship and worship and just a grand ol' time.

Since many of you don't know a thing about Biola except that it does indeed start with a "B" not a "V", I'll let you in on some traditions.

Nationball. For Biolans that word strikes immeasurable joy and adrenaline into our systems. It's basically a huge dodge ball tournament including all the dorms on campus and the "OCC" off campus commuters. Usually Sigma (my dorm) doesn't stand a chance because we're one of the smallest dorms. But this year we made it all the way to the finals! We had to play against OCC and they had more than twice our population. It was a great night. I could go on and on about Nationball, but this is already a very long post and there is too much to tell.

I'll try and keep you updated on more events like Pumpkin Pie (the school wide talent show) and GYRAD (get your roommate a date). I really do want this blog to be more that once every two months!

Other than parties, friends, and crazy fun events, I've been joining a lot of different organizations around campus.

I got a job at the student-run school newspaper! I am on staff as a writer for the features section and I have four articles already published. I would love for you to go check them and the rest of the newspaper at chimes.biola.edu. If you would be so kind.

I'm also part of the poetry club here on campus, which is comforting to me. I love poetry, listening to it, writing it, watching spoken word (if you don't know what that is, I beg you to look it up) so getting to hear it every week keeps me a little bit calmer and helps fight the stress.

I'm on an Ultimate Frisbee team. random, right? But I'm on it and we are currently undefeated!

But what I love most about Biola, isn't the fun things we do, the friends I've made, or the career opportunities I'm getting. It's the Love of Christ that is so obviously here. Here, I am challenged to think about my faith, I am challenged to examine that all important question, "who am I?" and I am encouraged to find my identity in God.

It is wonderful here, and I apologize that this post was so long, but that's what happens when you're a freshman college student and you feel like you don't have any time to do anything. Than you all for bearing with me and I hope to talk to you soon!

P.S. How 'bout that government shutdown? (I had to throw that in to show that I'm not totally self-centered in my blogs...)

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." John Burroughs

-Gracie

Be Anxious For Nothing

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The nail is driven farther into the drywall, as I put up old decorations on my new walls, furniture, and bed.

This is so crazy. At times I feel so overwhelmed. When I first arrived here at Biola I was so filled with excitement and hope and energy, and then a shift took place. I don't want to say "change" because I still have all those feelings, but a new feeling has settled in my heart. Anxiousness.

I start thinking, "What will my classes be like?" "Will I meet some close friends soon?" "I miss my old friends." "I need a job desperately."

I get so worked up in my head that I almost forget the real reason I'm here: God.

"Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ" Philippians 4:6-8

As I walk on to campus this verse runs through my mind over and over. I'm depending more on God than I ever have since my father died. (And I think That's his plan) I'm trusting in him more than ever and there's still a lot to go.

This is going to be an amazing experience and I really can't wait to find my niche here, and have a group of friends. But for now, I'm trusting that the Lord will do what he always does for me. Love me, and take care of me. 

The best part of my experience so far has been singsporation. It's an hour long worship session every Sunday evening. It is amazing! whether you're shouting out at the top of your lungs, so none will fail to hear the Lord's name, or whispering to Jesus, the pure praise and worship is so amazing to be a part of. It really is something.

Beach Day was today! we went to beach 30 minutes away and had a blast! We played Savage Women. Ever heard of it? Neither had I, until today. The men gather in a big circle, sit down and interlock their arms and legs. Like the scene from Avatar, when Dr. Grace gets shot and all the blue people try to heal her body? Kinda like that. And then the women... simply go savage. They try to rip and tear the boys apart from each other. It was crazy! I ripped a few boys off with the help of my other lady savages, but then my finger got slashed open somehow. I didn't want to bleed all over everyone, so I decided to call it quits. Some girls went at it though. They literally looked savage; with sweat dripping down, hair all crazy, sand in their faces, and a look in their eyes that said, "I'm ready to kill." Let's just say, some of the boys will need therapy.

All in all it's been a great couple of days. And orientation isn't over yet!! I've met so many new people, and seen God at the center of all this, I can't help but have hope that I'll thoroughly enjoy myself these next couple of years.

Thank you, God, for all that you've provided me with.

"Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath." Michael Caine.

-Grace

Wish Me Luck

Today's the day
The sun is shining
The tank is clean
I'm leaving for college!

(I hope you guys got that Finding Nemo Reference)

I'm leaving today when my mom gets home from work.

I'M LEAVING.

I'm sorry, it's just that it doesn't seem real. Even as we put all my possessions in the garage to await pick up. I've lived here for almost 13 years, I'm leaving behind my family and friends, and my home town.

But I'll be entering a whole new world, a place I never knew. (Aladdin reference) I'm so excited for all the adventures that are waiting to be had in Southern California! This weekend is going to be crazy, there's so much to do! I have to move in  to my dorm, Which means unpacking everything I packed last night, there are a whole bunch of orientation events to go to, and I get to meet my roommate. And bonus, I get to see Zach!!

As I'm writing this, I'm trying to put all that I'm feeling into words, but that's just not possible. I'm feeling... bittersweet. I'm feeling excited. Awed that this is really happening. Inspired by God. I know He's going to do great things with me at Biola.

I feel like life is beginning. My mom has done such a wonderful job preparing me for this and I know I'm ready.

Quick shoutout to my mom: You are such an amazing woman and I pray that when I'm a mother, I'm as strong, loving, and wonderful as you are. Thank you for these past 18 years, for all the advice, and all the love. You are amazing and we'll always be together, no matter how far apart we live.

This is really happening, huh? 

Good luck to all my friends who are also leaving our beloved little town. You guys are going to do great things, and I can't wait to hear about them!

This town and these people will always have a place in my heart, and I know I'll always be welcomed home. Thank you for all the laughs, heartaches, and memories, for they are what made me who I am today.

I have a long drive ahead of me, so I better get going.

"Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it." Trey Parker

-Gracie