My Testimony

As I was wondering what to write about this evening, my friend suggested I write on ways that Christ has touched my life. He told me I'm always happy and there has to be a reason for that. Well, there is: I have a savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. I'm never in want of a shoulder to cry on, or a best friend to confide in. He's always there. My rock of salvation. I think I should give credit where credit is due, so, I guess this is my testimony.

First of all, God has given me the most wonderful mother in the world. I know that every child thinks they have the coolest mom, but trust me on this, you don't. If it weren't for my mom... my whole life would be upside down, I wouldn't have the relationship with Christ that I do, I wouldn't have the same outlook on life, and I wouldn't have the same values and ethics. She's raised me to be a child of God. She is wonderful. (Mom, I know you're reading this, and no, I don't want anything. It's the truth, you are such a blessing to me.)

Okay, story time.

When I was little my mom would read to me every night, we read all sorts of stories, The Velveteen Rabbit, Dr. Seuss, The Berenstain Bears. And Elvira was our favorite. We used to read Alice in Bible Land Stories. It was a spin on Alice in Wonderland. An airmail bird would bring Alice a note that read: "Reading is the special key to take you where you want to be." Alice's bible would grow in size and become a portal to "Bibleland". She went on many adventures in Bibleland, teaching me stories from the bible before I could even read. I tell you this because it is important you know that my mom gave me a good foundation from an early age. She taught me how to pray and how to talk to God, it was our nightly ritual that after we read our story, we would pray and then go to sleep.

Growing up we did not attend regular Sunday morning services, or if we did, I don't remember. I remember going occasionally, but sooner or later we would fall out of the routine. This is not because my mother wasn't a strong believer, I have never doubted her faith. It's simply because we never found the right church, nothing seemed to click. At this point in my life My walk with Christ was non-existent. I knew about God and about Jesus, but as one of my youth pastors said earlier this week, there is a big difference between knowing OF someone, and knowing someone. His example was this: I know of President Obama. But what would happen if I strolled into the White House like, "Sup', I'm here to see Bama." I would have security guards all over me. But what if I was related to President Obama? What if we were family? I would be welcomed in with open arms.

Back to the story. So I grow up knowing OF Jesus, but not walking hand in hand with him. This goes on until I am about... twelve.

I had my heart softened when I was 12. I know that age can be difficult for girls, what, with puberty and all, but I have to say, I had it a little harder than most. My father died two weeks after my birthday.

Now, listen up. This is not a pity post, so don't get all dewy eyed on me. I realize this is sad, and sometimes I miss him so much I sob. Sobbing is an extreme form of crying, so trust me, I get it. But right now, this is just a fact in my story.

He died. Gone. No more hugs, no more kisses. No more good nights, or good byes. Hello's, or I missed you's. He won't see me off to college, he won't walk me down the aisle. I can't invite him over for Thanksgiving dinner, he won't meet my husband. All facts of life. And I had to deal with them at the age of twelve. (Again, I am not telling you this so you'll feel sorry for me, my point is for you to understand how much pain and confusion was in my adolescent little body.) The only reason I am who I am today is God. God brought me through that tragedy. It was not on my own strength that I survived. It is on His strength. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Philippians 4:13. Instead of cursing God and asking "why me?" (although the question did come across my mind) I turned to God for comfort, as my mother had raised me."My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word."-Psalms 119:28. Realize though, that this took time, I was not an instant ball of sunshine. Those of you who knew me in the 7th grade can testify. But eventually time had meaning again, words had warmth, and life had happiness. Words from one of my favorite authors come to me as I write this, and I want to share them with you. "The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you're faced with a tragedy so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking" -James Patterson, Angel.

God made those seconds go by. Seconds turned into minutes that turned into hours that stretched out into days, leading to weeks and months, and eventually years.

God has a plan for me.  And in that plan, he needs me to be strong, to be compassionate, to have a soft heart. He needs me to understand loss, so that I may understand others. Sometimes you must be broken so that he can fix you, so that he can mold your heart after his own. And I am grateful that I have such a loving God. That he would send me so many wonderful people in my life, that he would give me so many blessings. God sends sunshine to both the just and the unjust, he sends rain to both the just and the unjust. Why shouldn't I have to endure a little rain, when I get to spend eternity in His sunshine.

Jesus Died for me. So that I might live, if I choose to ask him in to my heart. He died for me, so the least I can do is give him my life in return. "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." - Matthew 16:25.  Losing my dad made me open my heart, I think. It brought me even closer to Jesus, and my eternal father, so in a way, I am happy.

I know that might sound crazy, I can hear you saying "WHAT?! you're happy that your dad is dead?!" But the funny thing is... he's not. He is very much alive in heaven, having a great time and waiting for me to join him so we can spend eternity with Christ. Yes, I do miss him so much it hurts, but I'm also glad. It might not make sense to you, but I've had five years to struggle with it, so I'll let you have some time.

After my father's death, we started going to church regularly. My mother went to the Calvary Chapel where we had his funeral. The memory was still too fresh for me so I went to the sister Calvary with my neighbors in the next town over. But now my happy family of three, (I have a little brother, I don't think I mentioned that) all attend the same church where we had his funeral. We have finally found the right church, after all those years of searching. Isn't it strange how God works? I have met some of the greatest people in the world at that church and count it as just another blessing God had granted me. That church is proof that good things can happen as result of a tragedy, just have faith in God, and trust in his will. "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'"- Matthew 14:31

God is using me. I don't know how, and I don't know when, but he is, and I count myself truly blessed because of it.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

-Grace